It was a Sunny fall day when I decided to pop in and visit a local Catholic church. I was just out for a walk and decided to go in. I was curious - I had never been to a Roman Catholic parish before despite knowing a fair amount about Catholic theology. I checked their schedule on my phone to see if they were doing anything interesting I could watch. "The Sacrament of Penance" was on their calendar and was starting in five minutes. "Oooo," I thought, "That sounds fancy." I walked up to the church's front door and a lady came by walking on the sidewalk next to the church. I asked if she was Catholic, and she said she was. I asked about what the Sacrament of Penance was - of course, to my disappointment, this fancy sounding thing was just plain ole' confession.
I walked into the sanctuary with her and what I saw astounded me. The inside of church was beautiful. The altar, the icons, and everything else just astounded me. I had no idea what the people coming in were doing with the holy water, nor did I have any idea what genuflecting was. I thought, "Wow, Catholicism is a beautiful religion, even if it's wrong." I've always been a fan of spiritual rituals and such. I had a very unhealthy obsession with Wicca and Pagan spirituality when I was a child. That obsession stemmed from my obsession with spiritual rituals. The feeling I got in this church satisfied both my desire for mystical spiritual rituals, and my desire to be fulfilled by Christ. I'd never been to a church that wasn't a Protestant church before, and I was astonished by how fascinating even these minute rituals were.
The lady I had talked to earlier came back out after her confession and we struck up a conversation outside. I found out she had a child struggling with moderate to severe autism, and being diagnosed with autism when I was 9-ish, I could empathize with her. I told her about my diagnosis and she was astounded - I gave her a hug while she said, "God bless you Isaac, God bless you."
We continued talking and got on to the topic of metal. She mentioned that her nephew was the bass player in a local metal band... a band that I've seen play multiple times in the past couple of years. A few months before meeting her, I had taken my dad somewhere to get a haircut, and there was a guy in there with a shirt for that band. I said, "Hey man, nice shirt... I've seen them play before." He responded, "Thanks, my brother is the bassist." I told her about seeing him, and she pretty much flipped out. She said that he had ecstatically told her about me commenting on his shirt, saying, "There was this man in the haircut place who liked my brother's band and commented on my shirt! This is so cool!"
Needless to say, she and I both knew God was doing something amazing. This collision of two very different people taking two remarkably separate paths was far too big of a coincidence to actually be a coincidence.
I started checking out Catholic theology while I went to mass with the lady and her family every other week or so. I investigated resources such as Catholic Answers, Scott Hahn, etc. The family gave me a book for Catholics based on defending their Catholic faith. I started to see some merits in the claims of the Catholic faith, but some of their doctrines which I still don't agree with deterred me from joining the church.
A family member had recently moved to Texas for work, and they left behind a huge library in their house with theological books. I noticed a book on one of the shelves by David B. Currie, entitled, "Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic." I read through the book and began to agree with a lot of Catholic theology. I didn't agree with everything, but I saw some merit in a lot of the evidence that Currie presented in his book.
One day, I decided to visit a local Catholic church for confession. I had read the section in John 20 where Christ gave the apostles the ability to forgive sins, and I had seen quotes from the Early Church Fathers on these abilities being passed down through apostolic succession. I just wasn't sure - I didn't know what to think.
I walked into the confessional room, closed the door, and knelt in front of the screen. I briefly told the priest who I was, about my struggles with theology, and asked if he would be willing to give me absolution. He said that he was willing to absolve me since I had a valid baptism and since I believed in the sacrament.
When the priest said, "I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit," I felt an immediate spiritual change. This feeling was neither good nor bad. I was confused because whatever was going on inside me was massive, but I couldn't identify what it actually was. This feeling only increased as I completed the penance that was assigned to me. I was a little bit distressed at that point, not because the feeling was bad, but because I had no idea what the feeling was. It was so strong, yet, I couldn't figure out what it meant.
When I woke up in the morning, I just felt clean. That's the only way I know how to describe the feeling - clean, plain and simple. I felt more at peace with myself and my flaws than I had in years. I continued to go to confession at different churches, and this feeling of cleanliness only increased.
At that point, I had totally lost faith in the Protestant reformation. I had concluded that Christ had founded only one Church, the "holy, catholic, and apostolic church" mentioned in the Nicene Creed, and that this Church was not to be strayed away from. I rejected the idea that the Church was composed of all believers. According to the works of the Early Church Fathers, Christ established one Church which was supposed to be led by the successors of the apostles. The apostles seemingly hand-picked their successors. Apostolic succession is the credential that gives a spiritual leader the keys and valid authority to lead the Church.
I continued visiting different churches, and I thought a lot about the papacy during this time. I concluded by reading a bunch of different things by the Early Church Fathers that Peter had a primacy, but not supreme authority over the whole church. I visited different kinds of churches in the area such as: Anglican-Catholic, Mormon, Episcopalian, Maronite, and finally... Orthodox.
I had ridden by the local Greek Orthodox cathedral downtown many times, but I had never been to a liturgy there. I looked up the times for Divine Liturgy on their website and decided to visit the following Sunday. On December 7th, 2014, I walked into my current parish for the very first time. As soon as I walked in, and I heard the Orthros chanting coming through the speaker in the narthex, I knew that the Orthodox Church was the Church I belonged in. The lady giving out programs in the narthex introduced me to the wife of one of the deacons who helped me use the liturgy book. As the liturgy began, all doubt, confusion, fear, and longing to be satisfied by Christ faded away. There had always been something missing from my faith; there was a gap in my relationship with Christ, and in a matter of five minutes, I had just discovered what it was: the beauty and awe of Holy Orthodoxy.
I wasn't judged by anyone in the parish. I walked in there with my metal attire and my two-foot "mane" of hair freely flowing without a hair tie - and I still wasn't judged by anyone. I met the "old ladies" of the church, and they were as sweet as they could be. I'm still making friends and enjoying my time at the parish.
I immediately began the conversion process and joined the parish's catechism class the following weekend. Everything about Orthodoxy was amazing to me. Autistic people feel everything in extremes - we are either obsessed with something, or we are completely uninterested in it. Orthodoxy gave me a lot to obsess about and is continually satisfying my desire for Christ. Any time I have confusion, questions, or concerns, my priest continues to amaze me with his articulate answers and point me back to God and away from my doubts.
This wasn't easy for many of my Protestant friends. I live in South Carolina - I'm in the hyper-Baptist Bible Belt. Pretty much all of the churches that have apostolic succession or even believe in a priesthood are demonized by local Protestants. Catholics, Mormons, Orthodox Christians, and Anglican/Episcopalians are equally criticized as "not true Christians" for having a priesthood since Conservative Protestants make up the majority of the Bible Belt. I explained my position to them on theological issues the best I could and tried to relate to them the amazing substance of our religious practices. Even now, I continue to be amazed by the diverse ideas, practices, and absolutely fascinating theological principles that govern our faith.
I've had about six appointments with my priest discussing different issues. I continue to go to Bible studies and church events on a regular basis, and the substance of Christ within Orthodoxy is still feeding my soul. Experiencing God through Holy Orthodoxy has helped me resolve many issues with sin that I haven't ever had any progress with prior to adapting a worldview based (at least somewhat) on Orthodoxy.
For my brothers and sisters within Orthodoxy, pray for me - I hope to be chrismated (confirmed) in December of 2015 if all goes well.
With love,
Isaac. the metalhead wolfman. <3
